notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Category Archives: Fashion

Smug Has A Short Lifespan

Oh, I have been amazing lately in Zumba. My hips almost sway; my shoulders almost don’t look tense; my breasts almost shimmy; my teeth almost unclench. I’m almost there. So I strutted into class tonight full of almost self-confidence. And there was someone in my spot. My spot. That place on the floor where I always …

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Genius or Idiot? You Decide.

This is the time of year when my fingernails get as brittle as the dead maples leaves. Luckily, they do not fall off like the leaves on our New England trees. But they snap and break like the dried-up twigs I’m stepping on. Housework this weekend broke eight out of ten fingernails. You’d think I’d …

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When Did That Happen?

One of my Dad’s favorite expressions was “You must have been hiding behind the barn when the brains got handed out.” I never really understood why someone would hide in order to avoid brains.   But I got the point. I always seemed to miss something important. I knew by the age of fifteen that …

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Know-It-All

Being the Smartypants that I am, I can’t help offering my helpful help. I have a vast amount of knowledge. Okay. A vast amount of opinions. And I am just bursting to share them. Some of my advice is based on actual experience. And some of my advice is based on no experience at all. …

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Perfectly Dirty

As I’ve written before, every day helpful emails jump into my inbox, offering assistance in the most important  facets of my life. If I had to categorize them, they’d look something like this: HELPFUL EMAILS BY TYPE The sex emails – though plentiful – I usually ignore. I would much rather read about makeup than …

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The Things My Things Need

I received an email from my favorite retailer the other day: “Your Jeans Need This” I naturally opened it right away. I was very anxious to know what my jeans needed. My jeans had not expressed any desires or dissatisfactions in quite some time. I was a conscience-stricken that my jeans might be reluctant to …

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Itsy-Bitsy

It was appropriate that as we approached the beach the radio was playing,“She Wore An Itsy-Bitsy, Teenie-Weenie, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.” Not that what I was wearing was itsy-bitsy or teenie-weenie or even yellow polka dot. But it was a bikini. And I was afraid to come out of the locker. I had promised my …

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One Size Fits All

It’s no secret – (because I have no secrets – I’ve written 256 posts over the last two years; there is no detail of my life not in print)  – that I like big girl underpants. High in the waist and low on the legs – the kind that make me look like I am …

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New York Report

Last week I went into The City (yup, that’s what we call in out here in East BumF**k) with a friend to see a Broadway play. We saw “Motown: The Musical”.   I love Motown. I loved Motown even before I loved The Beatles. The music in this show was spectacular – although sometimes it …

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I Get To Be A Princess

A couple of months ago, I reminisced about being eight years old and wanting to be Miss America. (When Nineteen Was Far Away.) I wanted to wear a gown and a tiara, and I thought that just maybe 2013 might be my year. And I was right! Last week my grand-niece (or is it great-niece? …

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