The More You Toot, The Better You Feel
This Father’s Day, I thought I would post some man-type humor.
Yes, men think farting is utterly hilarious.
And I have to admit, I often think so too. I think one of the funniest movie scenes in history is the campfire scene in “Blazing Saddles.”
But only the concept of farting is funny. Not the actual farting. Especially man-type farts.
No offense Dad-in-Heaven, but your farts (especially in your later years) were not funny.
(And what, dear husband, makes you think that just because we have been married 21 years, you can fart like I’m not even in the room?????)
But the ‘Concept of Farting’ IS funny.
Here are two old farting memories that make me laugh even now.
One day when I was about 15, I went shopping with my mother. We were going to a store called Service Merchandise. This was the kind of store where they displayed only one of everything, and then you wrote down the number of the item, and someone went into a back room and brought it out. It was like the opposite of Costco. I forget what we went for. But the store itself has no further role in my story, so what the hell.
Anyway, Mom drove us over to Service Merchandise and there was no place to park. Back then, my mother liked to get the best parking spot in the lot (unlike now, where at 90, her driving skills makes her park where she won’t have another car within 20 yards of hers.) So we parked way in the back and I was just about to get out of the car, when Mom spotted someone pulling out right near the entry to the store. And Mom got really excited about being able to park in the front, which sometimes made her mangle her English a little, and she hollered, “Don’t get out yet, Nancy. I am going to fart in the trunk!”
Memory number two:
For many years, I worked in a very high-stress job with some people I really loved. One of these was a manager who reported to me. Let me call her Alice (because she will probably be mortified that I am telling this story). Alice was and still is a very caring woman and a good friend. Her job, though, like mine, was demanding. Alice is a very private person by nature, and it was difficult for her to share her feelings. So she internalized the stress of the job, and her subordinates only saw her serious, exacting side, and never the gentle and sweet soul that I had grown to love.
The fax machine stood in the middle of the dozens of cubicles where all the staff worked diligently a zillion hours a week.
One day Alice was sending a fax. The fax got stuck momentarily in the machine and when it finally ejected, it came out with a loud and very evocative raspberry: “PPTHHPTHPFFTHPPPT!!!”
I just happened to be walking by, and that SOUND made me turn in my tracks. And there was no one there but Alice.
She looked at me and the realization dawned on her.
“You thought that was ME!” she said, horrified.
And then… we started to laugh. Just a chuckle at first, and then more giggles. Then we completely collapsed. We screamed and cried and held on to each other.
And all the staff sitting soberly in their cubes started to poke their heads over their gray walls. And couldn’t believe it.
I don’t think they had ever seen Alice laugh.
“WHAT? WHAT?” they all asked.
But we couldn’t explain.
But they all liked Alice a lot more after that.