Of Innies and Outties
I’ve written several times about the differences between the way men think and the way women think. Although I have to admit, I don’t know what the heck I am talking about, since after twenty-two years of marriage I still don’t have a clue as to the way men think. (However, ignorance has never deterred me from 500 words or so.)
But I have noticed over way longer than twenty-two years – that there are noticeable physical differences between men and women. And not just the obvious one. I noticed that one when I was four and my cousin Johnny peed his name in the snow. I was not jealous though, because I was four and I could already write my name with a pencil, which is a much more practical skill.
But while I am at it, let me mention this. It is my theory (and probably the theory of a zillion other people, since I am sure this is not original) that because women privates are internal is why we women are so wonderfully sensitive. We feel everything from the inside. Whereas men look at life from the vantage point of, well, a point. It’s outside of themselves. Almost like a foreign object.
But back to my original subject.
One difference I noticed: Elbows. Many men have very high elbows. Their elbows are way up around their breasts. That is how they always fold their arms and look so stern. Women on the other hand, have elbows that hinge right around their waists. Which is perfect for doing ‘stern’ with their hands on their hips and their elbows sticking out. Anatomy dictates our best disapproval stance.
Then there are ankles. Some women have extremely skinny ankles, while others have very fat ankles. (Unfortunately, I belong in the latter cankle classification.) But men only have skinny ankles. I have never seen a fat ankle on a dude. (Except for my Grandpa, but he had gout so that doesn’t count.)
And did you ever notice how men’s toes are really long and straight, while women’s toes often curl under? Of course, it could be our shoes that causes such curly toes, but it makes us better at picking up stuff with our feet. (Take that, snow-writing Johnny!)
Going a little lower, lots of women’s belly-buttons are outties. They are considered very sexy. I read once that French obstetricians purposely give little girl babies an outtie, so they will be sexier when they become women. Men don’t have outties. That would not be sexy. That would just be gross. (and redundant.)
Heads. It’s a good thing women have a lot of hair, because most of us have very flat heads in the back. Maybe God thought it would make us more comfortable during sex (our heads wouldn’t loll around when we are on our back). But anyway, that’s why so many of us women have to tease their hair at the crown to make a nicely contoured head. It’s much easier to see the real shape of men’s heads, and they are never flat.
On the other hand (of heads, though, not hands), men have the scar-riest heads. With buzz-cuts and shaved heads so popular, I have never seen so many scalp scars. What the hell happens during childhood that leaves so many nicks and dents?
But that brings me back around to my first paragraph.
Perhaps all those bumps in their early years is why their brain processes are so weird.