Tickets are Nonrefundable
Checking my mail on Yahoo the other day, an ad in the sidebar caught my eye.
I can’t even remember the product – but the catchphrase was memorable: “Your Menopause Journey.”
Yup, I’ve been on that journey. And it’s a very slow ride. I don’t even know exactly where I’m headed. But I think there are lots of stops along the way. And I can examine the clues, like the Dora The (Elderly) Explorer.
First of all, I’m obviously headed to a place where there are no children. So my initial guess was Club Med. But then I remembered a vacation from thirty years ago, and there’s lots of sex at Club Med. So probably not. So my next choice: Palm Beach.
And I’m certainly going to someplace with a crazy climate. A little googling brought me to 11/11/11 – but not the November 11th that just passed. This would be Nov 11, 1911 and the Great Blue Norther, where the temperature in Oklahoma City was a record 83 degrees at midday, and dropped to another record of 17 degrees by midnight.
That sounds like the weather I’ve experienced on my Menopause Journey. Only, I’m not talking about a 66 degree change from noon to midnight; more like between 1:00 and 1:03.
The next leg of this trip includes a long layover at a place where you cry a lot. I saw a lot of Fellini movies back in college, so I’m guessing Italy.
There’s no doubt that I am headed towards a very chubby territory. Most likely: Mississippi, which has held the title of Most Obese State in the country for six years in a row.
Then there’s multiple quick stops with memory lapses. It seems that I keep returning to this blank place – like an amnesia merry-go-round. But then again, it’s not just one place – it moves around. I think I might be at the Republican Debates.
My last clue on my Menopause Journey: this is a destination that makes you very cranky. And there’s only one place that best fits that description.
I must be going to the Department of Motor Vehicles.