notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Man-Words

Over my 63 years, men have said some memorable things to me.

So I present to you my

Man-Word Awards!

Best Pick-Up Line:

I go all the way back to 1969 for this one,  I was hanging around at the end of my summer job shift with some other teenagers, and I was wearing my coolest Mod Squad outfit. It was a mini-jumpsuit. A short-short kind of onesie with long sleeves, a big collar and a hip-hugger belt.

minijumpsuit

And one of the guys remarked on my outfit.  He said, “I like your get-up.What do you call it?”

And another guy that I didn’t even realize might like me said, “Mine.”

Now after forty-five years, I may not be as keen on a man declaring me as his possession, but at the time, I thought, “wow.”

 

Sweetest Line:

(This was not spoken to me, but reported to me)

My husband and his brother were invited to some man-thing for the weekend. My brother-in-law did not think his then-wife would be happy about it.

My husband said, “Just tell her you want to go. She wants you to have fun – she’ll understand.”

And my brother-in-law answered, “That’s easy for you to say. You’re married to Nancy.”

 

Dumbest Line:

This is definitely the prize for most offensive Man-Words.

I was the business manager of a cable system. I had come from the health care industry, so although I was a good accountant and budgeter, I was still learning some of the technical aspects. So the regional engineer comes in for a meeting, and uses some term I did not quite understand. So – wanting to gain as much knowledge as possible, I said:

“Can you explain that, please?”

And big-shot engineer said:

“It’s complicated, honey.”

 

Biggest Generation-Gappiest Line:

At my next job, I was budgeting for that humongous sports network (you know the one). But in 1990, not everyone was computer savvy – especially some of the old-guard salesmen. And there was one guy – probably the oldest guy at this very young company – who was a sales manager to cable affiliates. I kept sending him his budgets to update, and I never got them back.  So I gave him a call.

“Al, where are your budgets?  I sent them to you weeks ago.”

“I got your emails, but I didn’t see any budgets.”

“They were attached.  At the bottom of the email. Do you see the attachments?”

“I see a bunch of little pirate ships,” Al said.

If you remember the old version of excel… email attachments looked like this:

**
img290r  img290r  img290r

 

Funniest Line of All Time:

I don’t think anything for the rest of my life will top this:

Back to 1981:  I was thirty and still single, and I was seriously considering having a baby. I really wanted to be a mother and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I was looking into adoption, and word got around the office.

One of my co-workers sat down opposite me at the lunch table one day.

He said, “I heard that you want to have a baby. And I wanted to let you know that if you want, I would do it for you.”

“Joe,” I said, “I wouldn’t let you within ten feet of me.”

Without missing a beat, Joe said, “I could do it from there.”

hmmm.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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46 Comments

  1. One of the cutest I’ve heard…from a (then) 14 yr old boy to my (then)14 yr old daughter at dinner. We were new in town and I had invited all the boys that my daughters had met to dinner so I could scope them out.
    First he casually tossed a Sugar packet on the floor…hoping no one would notice.
    Then he leaned down, picked it up and handed it to my daughter and said “I think you dropped your name tag.”
    Five years later they are still great friends.

    • Awww…. he’d have my heart too!

  2. My favourite exchange of all time:
    “Are you married?”
    “Yes.”
    “Any marital problems?”
    *affronted* “No!”
    “Do you want some?”

  3. Oh, these are so funny! Thanks for the chuckles!

  4. I have heard so many bad ones over the years, I try to forget them. You have presented some wonderful ones, thank you. The last one though, that tops the list and I am floored.

    • I laughed until I cried. And it has stuck with me all these years! (It was so clever, I probably should have said ‘yes’.)

  5. These are great but the “I can do that from here” had me rolling on the floor – ha ha ha!

    MJ

    • I loved that guy’s very ‘guy’ sense of humor. One time, he was roped into chaperoning a group of school children to “The Nutcracker.” He was dreading it. So the next day I asked him how it went. “Not so bad,” he said. “One of the kids got sick, so I got to leave at half-time.” I nearly choked. “It’s not called ‘half-time’ at the ballet!” I screamed!

  6. Most questionable compliment: I stopped in the local tavern to listen to live music. I was sitting at the bar between two co-workers, each about ten years older than me. One was completely toothless, the other weighed about three hundred pounds. We were the only women at the bar. During a break, one of the band members came over, gave me a sultry look and said, “You are the best looking woman in this bar!”

  7. These were awesome! I keep a little notepad with me just so I can write down my hubby’s one-liners. You had such a great mix and I have a huge smile on my face. Thank you!

    • My hubby has a zillion. A lot of them aren’t fit for print!

  8. :-D :-D :-D
    The “I can do it from here,” I almost choked on and the last one made me giggle. How do these guys, young and old(er) come up with these lines.
    Thanks for the morning pick-me-up.

    • I think now that I should have said YES!

  9. June

    The “I can do it from there” line just proves that mirrors that men have aren’t responsible for all their delusions!!!
    I would have rolled on the floor laughing after quite a few eye blinks at the very thought!

    • I can certainly say I never forgot it!

  10. The last one is hysterical! So why didn’t you take him up on it. Clearly he would stick out of the crowd!

  11. Hilarious! And that last one is the “kicker.” :) LOL!

  12. Perfect. Laughs for breakfast. Thanks.

  13. Whoa on that last one. And the guy who said “It’s complicated, honey” would not have survived that meeting. I don’t like being called “honey” “sugar” “sweetie” etc. unless the person saying it is my awesome hubby.

    • I was more than aggravated. But I held my tongue and won him over about a year later. He called me with a question, and he said, “I’m calling you because I want an honest answer.”

  14. Reblogged this on zero to divorced in 60 seconds and commented:
    Love it!!

  15. These are classic! Well, except for the “Honey” guy. He is just a moron. The rest are a lot of fun and I sooooooooo love your Mod Squad outfit.

    • I loved that outfit! I would still wear it today, except it was really hard to go to the bathroom in.

  16. Reblogged this on Baby Boomers and More and commented:
    Here’s a post that is sure to lighten your day, week, month and/or year. This blogger is an extremely good writer and her humor is something I wish I could pull off on my blog. Instead, I’ll post her humor onto mine.

    • Thanks for the re-blog.

      • My husband loved it. I won’t tell you which Man Word section he loved the most, but I think you can guess.

  17. Karron

    Snork….

  18. Dan

    “I could do it from there.” You gotta give him high marks for a quick wit though.

    • I should have said YES. I’d have a kid with a great sense of humor.

      • Dan

        As to aging, I’m not so gracefully resisting with persistence. Blogging has introduced a new vitality.

  19. Christine

    I’m not sure if guys understand that women talk to each other. Early I my career, I worked with a guy who had a different line every day– like “Your hair look great today” or ” I just love the sparkle in your eyes”. The thing was, he used the same line on every young woman in the place, and we used to joke about what a jerk he was.

    • He probably thought that flattery was the way to deal with women – all women.

  20. Hilarious!!!!

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