notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Blurb Time!

I did it!  I finished my book!

I’ve drafted and re-drafted and edited and re-edited.  and I’m done.  Time to move to my next step.

My cover designer (how cool is that???? – I am going to have a cover!) reminded me on Sunday that even though it is extremely cool to have a cover, you know what else I have?   A BACK COVER!

And I need a blurb.

Yes, I need 150 words on the outside that makes you want to read the 92,000 words on the inside.

I am pretty good at writing 92,000 words to tell a story. And I am also pretty good at using 600 words to blog a story.

But can I sell a story in 150 words?

So I am taking a poll.  What do you think?

 

JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED

Cynthia Breault needs a new life.

She’s not miserable. She’s bored. Bored with her safe monotonous job; bored with her cautious loneliness.

Thanks to an unexpected financial windfall, Cynthia opts for early retirement at fifty, hoping to find a new passion. Soon, she thinks she’s found it – in the form of a failing boutique abandoned by its mysterious owner. And the shop is not the only thing the proprietor has deserted. There’s a very nice husband left behind as well.

It’s perfect.

Until Cynthia meets Shannon Miller.  Shannon is fourteen, a tough and defiant casualty of the foster care system.  And she’s pregnant.

Cynthia is irresistibly drawn to the sarcastic teenager, who awakens long-buried memories and desires.

Cynthia takes the leap. She offers Shannon a deal. With strings attached.

If they both get what they want, does it matter that their scheme is just slightly illegal?

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58 Comments

  1. Way to go!

    Do you need beta-readers?

  2. I find it intriguing, but a little bit confusing.

    • Tell me more! What confuses you? I need to know!

      • Is there a way to weave the shop and the girl together a little bit more, and maybe the husband, or are they completely separate stories?

        • I see what you mean….
          How about if I add this:
          Irresistibly drawn to this foul-mouthed, sarcastic, but vulnerable teenager, Cynthia rediscovers long-buried memories and desires.
          Suddenly the store seems unimportant. And hoping she can explain to the new man in her life – eventually, anyway – Cynthia takes the leap.
          She offers Shannon a deal. With strings attached.

  3. YES!! This blurb definitely resonates. Without knowing anything about your book, it’s just teasing enough that I’d want to read it. Well written! Have you found a publisher yet??

    • I’ve had a bit of interest from agents over the last two years, but it’s a long and discouraging process. The last agent told me that they get 700 queries a month and take on 15 clients a YEAR. I’d love a traditional deal, but I am just more than ready to get it out there. I’ve decided to self-publish.

  4. Beckie

    I’m hooked!

  5. … works for me!

  6. Great. Maybe a few more words about the husband?

  7. Suggestion:
    ” Until Cynthia meets Shannon Miller. Shannon is fourteen, a tough and defiant casualty of the foster care system. And she’s pregnant.
    Cynthia is irresistibly drawn to the sarcastic teenager, who awakens long-buried memories and desires.
    Cynthia takes the leap. She offers Shannon a deal. With strings attached.
    If they both get what they want, does it matter that their scheme is just slightly illegal?”

    Modify to perhaps
    “Shannon Miller is fourteen, tough, defiant and pregnant.
    Irresistably drawn to this sarcastic teenager, Cynthia takes a leap as long buried memories and desires are awakened. She offers Shannon a deal, but with strings attached.
    Does it matter if their scheme is just slightly illegal?”

    I love books like this. I’d read it!

    • I really like the change to “irresistibly drawn…” THANKS!

      • Looking forward to seeing the end result! Keep me posted!! :-)

  8. Sounds intriguing, but why do you mention the husband at all? Sounds like the story centers around the teen.

    • Other woman’s husband plays a pretty big role, so I think I need to expand that a bit, as oldgirlnewtricks suggested.

      • I agree but which one carries more weight? The blurb is too much of a tease without substance re the husband while the teen gets all the limelight. Maybe reverse their order in the blurb? :o

        • Let me think that through….thanks for all this terrific input. When I write a blog post, I get immediate feedback. Writing a novel is so the opposite – very isolated process.

          • Sigh. I know. I love feedback whether I agree or not. Helps, doesn’t it? (I hope) :/

  9. Just enough loose ends there to make me want to read… But yes, maybe a bit more about the husband if he’s an important enough character to mention in the first place. How exciting!! A book is one of my goals.

    • I’ve got an idea simmering for another, so I really want to get this one out there. So I can start thinking about the new one.

  10. Your novel sounds very intriguing. I’m thrilled that you’ve finished it and I congratulate you! I’ve had many beta-readers – what I call “friendly editors” – read my novel through its many versions, and they were, and are, so helpful to me. My novel is completed but I need to shorten it from 130k to under 100k words, a task I hope to accomplish after a major brain-storming session with a couple of my beta-readers on Monday the 23rd. Having started my novel one and a half years ago, I’m hoping to start querying for an agent in the fall.

    Looking forward to updates about your project!

    • Thanks. And best wishes for yours too!

  11. Good luck! I too have finished my book and about to make a decision about the self publisher. Exciting and nerve-racking simultaneously!

    • Going the self-publishing route was a very difficult decision for me. More and more, the stigma of self-publishing is receding, and more authors are taking their destiny into their own hands. I decided to be one of them.

      • Me too. May I ask who you are self publishing with?

        • CreateSpace at Amazon.

          • Have you published with them before? And do you do the cover design, formatting, etc. yourself?

        • This is my first novel. So I’m brand new at it. I chose Createspace after considering a few other options. I figure Amazon is good at it. I tried to do the formatting myself, and I got through it, but I had no confidence that it looked perfect. So I turned it over to a professional. A team where one person does the formatting and another is a graphic artist for the cover. They are new to me too, of course, being my first attempt, but I will let you know how it goes.

          • Wow, you’re brave. I wish you luck. I’m going to go with Balboa, the self publishing arm of Hay House. Your way is probably better. let’s stay in touch and compare notes.

  12. Sounds like a best-seller is in the making! I’m interested in reading this novel. I’m sure you will be letting us all know when the publishing date will be!! :-)

    • Thanks! I’m very proud of this book, and I hope to have very good sales – I have an internal goal of 25. I think that is reasonable.

  13. very well done to you. I’ve just self-published and it is quite a journey. let us know when you are launching :)

  14. Good for you!,,,

  15. Congratulations! Finishing a book is a tremendous achievement! And back cover blurbs are HARD. I have a couple of suggestions, for what they’re worth:

    I love the first half – I was totally sucked in by it. If you wanted, you could tighten it up as follows:

    Cynthia Breault wants a new life.

    She’s bored with her safe monotonous job; bored with her cautious loneliness.

    Thanks to an unexpected financial windfall, Cynthia takes early retirement at fifty, hoping to find a new passion. Soon, she thinks she’s discovered it – in the form of a failing boutique abandoned by its mysterious owner. And the shop is not the only thing the proprietor has deserted. There’s a very nice husband left behind as well.

    It’s perfect.

    You’ve set up exactly the questions you want readers to be asking: Why has the owner abandoned her shop and her husband? Is the husband as nice as he seems? Will Cynthia find the passion she’s seeking?

    I got a little lost with the second half of the blurb, though. To tie in the pregnant teenager with the first half of the blurb, we need to know why everything is perfect until Cynthia meets Shannon – what conflict does Shannon create? Does she somehow prevent Cynthia from buying the shop or investigating the owner’s disappearance? Does she stand between Cynthia and the nice abandoned husband? Is there an issue with Shannon that must be resolved before Cynthia can move forward with the shop/husband? Or does she simply shift Cynthia’s focus, and if so, what is so compelling about her that Cynthia would consider breaking the law after a lifetime of caution?

    You probably only need one or two sentences to tie it all together. If you’re running short of word-count, you could replace “And she’s pregnant. Cynthia is irresistibly drawn to the sarcastic teenager, who awakens long-buried memories and desires. Cynthia takes the leap” – that’s useful background information but it doesn’t really set up any conflict or pose any questions to entice the reader.

    Then go straight to your big finish: “Cynthia offers Shannon a deal. If they both get what they want, does it matter that their scheme is just slightly illegal?

    Wham! I love those final sentences! You may want to clarify the illegal part, though, if it doesn’t weaken your impact too much. Is it harmlessly illegal? Is it Shannon’s or Cynthia’s idea? You don’t want Cynthia to appear to be corrupting a minor, particularly if you use the ominous phrase “with strings attached”.

    I hope that helps, but you’re doing just fine on your own. Congratulations again – very exciting! :-)

  16. I. Absolutely. Love. This story line. I agree with the suggestions to tighten things up a bit. But either way. It drew me in! Bravo Nancy! Would love yo be a beta reader. But being in a small fish bowl scares me! But kudos to you!! Cant wait to read the whole book.

    • Thanks Doreen. I’ll make sure everyone knows as soon as it comes out.

  17. I’m so pleased for you! If the book is as entertaining as your blog, you’ve got it made!

    • Oh, I hope so! I like it and I hope at least a couple of other people do too.

  18. Oh, wow. I can’t wait to read this…..very well done “blurb”!!

  19. Diane

    When my 3 children were little, and I was in charge, I never let then use the word “bored” but that was me, I do not like that word.

    But you know that I can not wait to read this book, Will you sign it?

  20. I like the last suggestion on changes, though if the teen plays a role you will I think need to include her.

    If you would like to explore other publishing avenues other than pure self-publishing drop me an e-mail via valentinelogar@earthlink.net. I can point you to a couple of different avenues and some very successful self-published authors if you decide to go that route.

    Congratulations on finishing. The book sounds interesting, I would read it.

  21. Congratulations, looking forward to seeing this on Amazon. I’m at 76k and counting having discovered that the entire first part of the pulp sci fi needs a revamp … but then i only just started with nanowrimo last November … LOL. Best of luck and do post the cover when you get it finalized!

  22. I didn’t read everyone’s comments so I’m not sure if someone else mentioned this.

    I was very interested by the blurb! – definitely something I’d want to read -until I got to the line “who awakens long-buried memories and desires”- maybe you wanted it to reference her desire to have a baby, or some other thing. But my first thought/fear was that she may be a pedophile, which made me suddenly leery of wanting to read more. If I thought it, I’m sure it’s possible other people would to. If that’s NOT what you want people to think. It might be a good idea to rephrase that. :)

    • I never looked at it that way, but I see it now. I think I should just end the sentence at “long-buried memories”. Thanks!

      • I briefly had that pediphile thought, too, but then decided “no, she doesn’t mean that…does she?” The adjustments you are making should clear that up at least!

  23. This is very exciting! I’m really pleased for you. The blurb caught my attention and makes me want to read it. Job well done then, I say.

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