notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Of Innies and Outties

I’ve written several times about the differences between the way men think and the way women think. Although I have to admit, I don’t know what the heck I am talking about, since after twenty-two years of marriage I still don’t have a clue as to the way men think. (However, ignorance has never deterred me from 500 words or so.)

But I have noticed over way longer than twenty-two years – that there are noticeable physical differences between men and women. And not just the obvious one. I noticed that one when I was four and my cousin Johnny peed his name in the snow. I was not jealous though, because I was four and I could already write my name with a pencil, which is a much more practical skill.

But while I am at it, let me mention this. It is my theory (and probably the theory of a zillion other people, since I am sure this is not original) that because women privates are internal is why we women are so wonderfully sensitive. We feel everything from the inside. Whereas men look at life from the vantage point of, well, a point. It’s outside of themselves. Almost like a foreign object.

But back to my original subject.

One difference I noticed:  Elbows. Many men have very high elbows. Their elbows are way up around their breasts. That is how they always fold their arms and look so stern. Women on the other hand, have elbows that hinge right around their waists. Which is perfect for doing ‘stern’ with their hands on their hips and their elbows sticking out. Anatomy dictates our best disapproval stance.

Then there are ankles. Some women have extremely skinny ankles, while others have very fat ankles. (Unfortunately, I belong in the latter cankle classification.)  But men only have skinny ankles. I have never seen a fat ankle on a dude. (Except for my Grandpa, but he had gout so that doesn’t count.)

And did you ever notice how men’s toes are really long and straight, while women’s toes often curl under?  Of course, it could be our shoes that causes such curly toes, but it makes us better at picking up stuff with our feet. (Take that, snow-writing Johnny!)

Going a little lower, lots of women’s belly-buttons are outties. They are considered very sexy. I read once that French obstetricians purposely give little girl babies an outtie, so they will be sexier when they become women. Men don’t have outties. That would not be sexy. That would just be gross. (and redundant.)

Heads. It’s a good thing women have a lot of hair, because most of us have very flat heads in the back. Maybe God thought it would make us more comfortable during sex (our heads wouldn’t loll around when we are on our back). But anyway, that’s why so many of us women have to tease their hair at the crown to make a nicely contoured head.  It’s much easier to see the real shape of men’s heads, and they are never flat.

On the other hand (of heads, though, not hands), men have the scar-riest heads. With buzz-cuts and shaved heads so popular, I have never seen so many scalp scars. What the hell happens during childhood that leaves so many nicks and dents?

But that brings me back around to my first paragraph.

Perhaps all those bumps in their early years is why their brain processes are so weird.

 

hubbylegs.jpg

Skinny ankles. I am not drawing any snow-writing implements.

21 Comments

  1. I believe you have answered your own question. Perfect last line. Perfect answer. ;-)

  2. I have never noticed the bellybutton thing, never. Now I will be looking at pools and beaches.

    • I think it is more of a European thing… but a man with an outtie bellybutton would definitely gross me out. Like a tiny extra penis.

  3. I think this is excellent and spot on! I, too, have been married quite a few years, and my husband and I have learned to accept that he is linear and I am pretzel. We both get to the same place, but differently. Thanks for the fun.

    • He’s not linear or pretzel. I think he is more ‘cloud’.

  4. Yes, I agree with the brain processors. That puts your whole blog into proper prospective! Ha.

    • I will never understand men. Their thought processes are beyond my comprehension.

  5. I had never thought about the difference in elbows but now you mention it, you’re absolutely right – hilarious!

    • I don’t mean to make fun of other peoples’ bodies – there are all kinds of normal. But some guys elbows are so high, I wonder how they can tuck their shirts in.

  6. Oh this was so funny. :-)
    Hubby and I are both ‘innies’ in the belly button stakes, but his toes aren’t long and straight (though my Dad’s were, he had very nice feet actually and I never knew that until he was in hospital). The head thing, well Hubs has a lovely see through hair do and at the other end, surgery has shot skinny ankles to hell. But ………he excels in the elbows!
    Great post!

    • What a great description – a see-through hairdo!

  7. I never, ever noticed a difference in elbows and flat heads. I’m definitely going to check it out. I agree with you that being able to write with a pencil in preschool is much better, but the ability to pee outside without wetting yourself…that’s been a life-long source of envy.

    • Okay, I will admit there’s been time when I wish peeing were a little easier.

  8. “Redundant” – The word has never been put to better use.

  9. Outties are sexy? I was always so grateful to have an innie… now I must rethink EVERYTHING!

    You captured my husband’s legs so well in your drawing.

    • Your husband and my husband — and most husbands.

  10. You present some very valid points…most of which I agree…with the exception of the head shape. He-Who has one of the flattest heads I have ever seen. I’m not sure what that implies, but he does spend a lot of time in bed…napping. I remember the first time he shaved his head I was awed at how flat his head was. Perhaps, it is just one giant head trauma that was acquired in childhood.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,907 other followers

%d bloggers like this: