notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

I Solve Life’s Neurological Mystery

I’m sure by now everyone realizes that my husband does not read my blog.

I love him very much, but I also love the freedom to laugh at his craziness, or wonder about his mysteries.

This is a mystery blog.

My husband is not neat. Mostly because he has an impenetrable belief that he should save everything.

He has old catalogs. When a new catalog comes, and I ask him to throw away the old one. he tells me that he wants to know what things ‘used to cost’.  Hmm.

And you never know when you might need an old receipt. He keeps receipts for cat food that our kitties have ingested so long ago, it’s not even compost any more.

I am not the neatest woman in the world. I consider myself about average.

Here is a comparison of our respective desks:

His:

His Desk

His PC

Mine:

My Desk

My PC


Okay, so he’s not neat. No big deal. (just annoying as hell.)

So here’s the mystery.

This is how the peanut butter looks after he has had a snack:

Why does a messy guy do this with the peanut butter?

And it always looks like this. If I stick a knife in there and leave a gouge, the next time I open the peanut butter jar, it looks like this again.

I have concluded that this must have a neurological basis.

I have spent numerous hours comparing our brains. Through diligent scientific observation over the past twenty years, I am now able to share my findings.

This is how my brain works.

My Brain.

This is probably not every women’s brain, but with a few substitutions, it is probably close. Perhaps other hobbies may substitute for writing, books, and art. And women with children probably have a bigger love lobe, with their shoe lobe commensurately smaller. But I am sure that all women have a similarly complicated mix.

And this is my husband’s brain:

His Brain.

Notice that Cars and Sports (Motorsports in my husband’s case) take up approximately the same space that Hair, Makeup, Clothing and Shoes take up in my brain. And whereas he has one Money lobe, mine is split between Money and Jewelry. Guns take up all his hobby space. And my Love lobe is complex – with sublobes for Sex, Family, and Friends. That part of my husband’s brain is defined a bit differently.

And see that tiny little spot near Food that holds his Neatness brain cells?  That’s where the peanut butter is.

29 Comments

  1. Ha Ha. I am not terribly neat, but I like a clean work space. I love the comparisons of the brains.

  2. Are you sure that the peanut butter is located in the neatness lobe? Because if you look at the peanut butter remains, it kind of looks like a breast, so I’m thinking it might be within the sex lobe.

    • Oh my, I never considered that. But now that I think about it, his brain may be vastly simpler still.

  3. Hilarious, as usual. (Oh, and your husband’s desk looks amazingly like mine….) Your drawings always amaze me – they’re wonderful!

  4. I’m in awe of the peanut butter design. Can you please explore this further like leave out jars of crunchy or almond butter and see if he does the same thing?

    • He makes a pattern when he cuts his pancakes. It’s a complex star. He always does it. I will post a picture soon.

  5. Reblogged this on stacyblaise and commented:
    This post is so funny.

  6. This post is so funny. How wild is that peanut butter design. Because I have enjoyed your post so much you are entered to win $25 DOLLAR GIFT CARD.

    Miss Stacy Blaise

  7. You captured it perfectly! (My shoe section is a little bigger though!)

    • I confess: I fudged a little…my Hair section is probably bigger than Home.

  8. Brilliant. And what freedom to have your husband not read your blog. I was just about to post a funny one on my husband when he informed me that he checks in ‘from time to time.” Damn.

    The brains are perfect!

  9. goodoldgirl

    LOL! Love the graphic it so expresses the truth in “one picture is worth a thousand words” beautifully. So, for the peanut butter, is he a scrimper? If so, then maybe it has to do with money and wanting to get every bit of value out of that jar of peanut butter. Or maybe, that’s just something that his mom taught him. Either way, it’s too funny.

  10. You have nailed it! I have a larger shoes I suspect, clothes for me are just to make certain I cover nakedness and show off shoes. Must agree with Bigsheepcommunications, peanut butter looks like it might actually belong in the sex lobe.

    Love this one!

  11. Love the brain pics – oh how I wish I could draw!
    I actually think the peanut butter remains are quite artistic … but just can’t get the idea that it looks at all like a breast – or maybe I have odd breasts!!
    One thing I thought was missing from your husbands brain pic is the staring into space/daydreaming/shut down from the world bit – every man I’ve ever known has had this part or maybe your husband has progressed beyond this! :)

  12. Dor

    Nancy, this is absolutely the most hilarious post. When I got to your brain comparisons I actually laughed out loud. If you talk like you write, you should try stand-up comedy! P.S. My husband is messy too, but doesn’t like peanut butter.

  13. Please forward these diagrams to the local university for research purposes. I believe you are on to something here.

  14. I’m afraid to comment. My peanut butter jar looks remarkably like that – and I’m the only one who eats peanut butter.

    • From you blog, I think you have a lot of the male brain cells…. like the motorcycle one.

  15. i think you deserve the nobel peace prize for this spot-on brain mapping. genius.

  16. Your husband’s brain looks much like my husband’s. The “talk” section is completely absent.

  17. Looks to me like the peanut butter is more OCD than neatness. I hate to admit it, but I think your husband and I have the same needs as far as work space… but definitely not the peanut butter jar!

  18. very funny!

  19. Michelle Gillies

    I think your husband and mine were separated at birth. My theory is that it comes down to respect. They just have much more respect for food, especially peanut butter, than their work space.

  20. Ha! Fabulous. My brain is definitely similar. And I have to say, I love the peanut butter pattern he makes, all the moreso because it’s so inconsistent with his, er, less organized tendencies. But I could see how it might drive you crazy, when you’re sorting through those catelogs and receipts (my hub is the same way, which I know I’ve mentioned before – he hoards boxes JUST IN CASE he ever needs to send the item back…he’ll probably still have the lap top box when we’re riding in flying cars)!

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