notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Out Of This World

A few months ago, I expressed my suspicion that my husband might be an alien.

He ate his turkey soup with a fork. And when I questioned him, he explained that he ALWAYS ate the ‘stuff’ out of the soup first with his fork, and then used his spoon for the broth. ALWAYS. But in the twenty-two years I’ve known him, let me say in response to his ALWAYS:

NEVER.

I thought he might be one of the pod-people – taking over my poor husband’s body.

But this weekend I had an astounding realization.

It’s not him.

It’s me.

I read a lot about makeup. I can go through 452 reviews on Sephora, because number 453 might be just the product I need. But before I decide, I will also go to makeupalley or beauty.com – and read some more reviews.

And I found a product I just HAD to have.

It’s Nars powder blush with the promising name, Orgasm.

According to the thousand reviews on multiple websites, Orgasm blush is sheer, iridescent, and warm.

And in all the editorial reviews by Experts (and I read them all) the same rave:  “Orgasm’s peachy-pink color is UNIVERSALLY FLATTERING.”

So I went right down (well. right after six days of research) to Sephora and emptied my wallet and bought this universally flattering blush.

Only it isn’t working for me.

I’ve tried a little. I’ve tried a lot. I’ve put a base of cream blush first. I’ve added some sheer powder on top.

But the color is just not flattering.

But it is supposed to be UNIVERSALLY FLATTERING!

Where the heck am I from???

I look exactly like the human who purported to be my father, but that must be a clever alien trick.

27 Comments

  1. So really, the orgasm is fake? Shocking! (On your next trip to Sephora, check out Laura Mercier powder blush in Rose Bloom.)

    • I never thought of it that way! And I am excited about your blush selection – but not in an orgasmic way….

  2. I must be from this universe as that is my favorite blush. You can send your unwanted orgasm to me, I’ll put it to good use! Oh, that didn’t come out right.

    • It must be a relief to know you are human. I figure I’ll hold onto my orgasm till summer….maybe with a tan…

  3. You and I must be from the same universe, looks like I played in clown paint. I am simply not orgasmic either.

  4. I have spent half my life reading reviews and agonizing on a purchase only to find out that it’s no different than other products in my closet. I must admit I get tempted by product names and this one would have tempted me. I do know that universal lip shades don’t always work for me either. Maybe with a nice tan that you really shouldn’t get.

  5. This was very interesting, since I’ve also read rave reviews about the big O blush. I’ll stick with my Cindy Joseph “Boomstick Color”. Strange name, but it really works for me. It’s also supposed to be universal. It looks wine-dark in the tube, and I am very fair-skinned, but it looks very natural on me. I love it.

    • I am loving the product recommendations. This is better than makeupalley.

  6. I implore you to post a video of yourself asking for this product.

    • Umm.. the saleslady asked me if I wanted the powder or the cream.

  7. I must be reading the wrong magazines… nothing this exciting in what I’m looking at…

  8. I do the same thing with make-up! Love the Laura Mercier blush line. :)

  9. LOL I always wondered who read all of those make-up reviews! I love make-up, but reading about it bores me to tears (I have to remember to wear waterproof mascara). Apparently they are full of lies anyway ;)

    BTW, keep meaning to tell you, I LOVE that all of your posts have had your (fabulous!) drawings lately!

  10. Perhaps this has just confirmed that you are out of this world–there are worse things…

  11. Ohhh! I didn’t think of BUYING an orgasm!!!

  12. That’s a pretty good name, but a lot of expectation for a poor little blush.

    • Aha – that’s my problem. My expectations were way too high.

  13. I want the job of making up the names for the new products. I am sure that a lot of testing of that name was required. “But this is for work, honey!”
    Oh, I know the pain of seeing your father in the mirror.

  14. Makeup is risky.

  15. I’m not sure if I’m laughing more about what they named this particular blush..or your declaring yourself an alien. Great post!

  16. Thanks for the product review. I immediately fell in love with the NAME and then I had to hear the bad news that it doesn’t work. Another letdown. Why is the marketing so convincing that we swallow it and then end up with a makeup GRAVEYARD underneath our sinks. UGH.

    Love your sketch. You better watch it; it’s growing in popularity.

  17. If you don’t want Orgasm, they also have Deep Throat. And I just saw an ad for their newest shade of cream blush – G-Spot. (no kidding)

  18. I feel your pain (or, in this case, your Orgasm — no, wait…). Anyway, back in the day I was told that Tangee lipstick turned the perfect color for every woman who put it on. Well, I laid out the requisite few bucks and tried it. It turned a nasty, Pepto-ish color (which, while it may be fine for Pepto, it’s not fine for my complexion). It was just awful.

    As an aside, I saw your post on jeans in the City (I’m originally from the Upper East Side and, at 52, am only a few years younger than you), and I have to confess that I refuse to wear skinny jeans. I’d look like a stuffed sausage, and I think that’s even worse than being middle-aged and wearing Mom jeans.

  19. goodoldgirl

    Fun to read post. Do you draw your own pics? Great job if you do.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Yes, I do my own illustrations.

  20. Perhaps it will be flattering if you are traveling out in the universe. Maybe that’s what the name meant. Looks great on a spaceship.

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