Not Quite Paris
I may live in – as my husband so delicately puts it – East Bumf**k, but I am one of the most sophisticated BumF**kers in town.
I say this despite the fact that I missed the trend change from bootcut to skinny jeans. I was only a little late getting hip with the latest style. (Probably ‘hip’ is the wrong word here.)
But anyhow, I’m now back on track as the sixtyish style maven.
And my sophistication extends far beyond fashion.
My house is awesome. I give my husband credit as the builder, but the decor is all mine. And I possess shitloads of taste.
Some of my class comes from France. I am half-French (Canadian, but it still counts). I have also traveled to Paris on business. Three times. For a grand total of seven days. But Paris gets into your pores immediately. One week is plenty to make you snooty. I ooze snoot.
France is the birthplace of the bidet. (I’m not exactly positive about this, but bidet is certainly a French word.) So bidets are very classy.
Although I am ultra-sophisticated, I am not above shopping at Costco.
And I have recently discovered that Costco has bridged the gap between Paris and East Bumf**k.
Their new offering:
Yes, indeed, it is an electronic toilet seat. To convert your classless ho-hum toilet into a cultured combination toilet/bidet.
The incredible Intelliseat features include:
* Heated Seat
* Heated water jets with three options:
- His Backside
- Her Backside
- Her Frontside
* Adjustable water pressure, including pulsating
*Energy Saving Night Light
*Safety On/Off Sensor
* Wireless Remote Control (not necessarily from another room, I don’t think.)
I checked the reviews on Amazon.com and the Intelliseat scored RAVES.
Of course, there are a few minor drawbacks. You need a grounded outlet to plug it in, and the power cord is very short. Many people have to use one of those heavy duty orange extension cords. And the stream of warm water is a bit intense (resulting in the occasional accidental enema). And you may need to bring a book while waiting for the gentle warm breeze to blow-dry your now soaking butt.
But hey, this is nothing compared to the Great Big Advantage.
You’ll never need toilet paper again.
As one reviewer summed it up: “A Great Bidet Experience”
My sophisticated house (and heinie) is sorely missing this experience. I’m getting one.