notquiteold

Gracefully Aging – With Resistance

Let’s Play Dress-Up

Two weeks ago, we had health insurance enrollment day at work.

Our insurance broker came in to explain the unexplainable.

But what was inexplicable to me was the agent’s outfit.  We were all flabbergasted.

She wore a dress!

Word spread quickly.  “Come to the insurance meeting.  This lady is wearing a DRESS!”

None of us could remember the last time we saw a dress at the office.

But over the past few weeks, I’ve thought about that dress. It was really awfully nice.

Although I have a closet the size of Rhode Island completely filled with jeans and tees and cords and sweaters, I only have two dresses. My fancy dress for reunions/weddings/New Year’s Eve.  And a little cotton sundress for hundred-degree weather.  Both black.

So I thought it would be nice to get a pretty dress that could nestle right in between being dressed to the nines and being dressed to the one-hundreds.

I found one on the internet from one of my favorite shops.

Cool dress on skinny girl.

Okay, so I’m not exactly that skinny.  But guess what?  My favorite store has been attempting to display their clothes on regular bodies too.  And they had a picture of that dress on what they laughingly call a ‘plus-size’ model. (She’s only ‘plus’ in Anorexiaville, also know as The Fashion Industry.  Everywhere else she is Average).

Looks pretty good on a regular three-meal-a-day beautiful woman. And it’s on sale!

So I ordered it.  Now, it’s a lovely soft color, but I played it safe.  I ordered it in…wait for it

Black!

It arrived last week just in time for me to wear for Christmas.  Only when I donned me now my gay apparel., it looked sort of like this:

Huh?

I assure you, I am smaller than the plus-sized model. So why didn’t she look seven months pregnant?

WHAT THE HECK KIND OF SHAPEWEAR IS SHE WEARING??????

R and G corset no397 1899

I wore corduroys to my Christmas Party.

In Black.

24 Comments

  1. I opened my closet after reading this and it looks like what yours sounds like. My uniform consists of jeans, white button shirts and blazers. And dozens of black twin sets. Think we could be sisters separated at birth?

    • Most women are sisters…but we have a couple of varieties. Men only come in one model.

  2. Suzanne Tate

    I got “dress fever” not too long ago. Bought one, put it on the night of the dinner, spent 45 minutes that I didn’t have, adding, moving, taking off accessories to make it look the way it did in the magazine. Went to the dinner in (black) slacks. My (black) dress stayed home by itself and had an enjoyable time lounging on its hanger.

  3. I wear dresses all of the time, believe it or not. Most of the teachers are pretty casual, but I wear dresses for two reasons: I like to be different, and I like to be lazy. When you wear a dress, you don’t have to find two pieces in your closet that, by some miracle, coordinate. Then I just have to look for the right shoes…

  4. hello100blog

    Reblogged this on Hello100blog.

  5. :0 love the story and the dress! Bet you looked beautiful in it.

  6. Great post. My favorite line — She’s only ‘plus’ in Anorexiaville — brought tears to my eyes.

    Me, I’m going back to dresses just as soon as I can get a portable crane to hoist up the pantyhose.

    Happy New Year, Nancy!

    • I’ve always felt the need to jump on a horse to get the pantyhose all the way up.

      • Damn, you are funny. May you laugh all through 2012 — but please, take me with you!

  7. Nancy, I love your posts, but I must say that your readers leave the most amazing comments: “a portable crane to hoist up the pantyhose” !! ;)
    I always seem to wear black slacks to everything too. Ho hum – but it works!

  8. Loved your post! You always show and tell — I love that! But, honestly, if dresses are the new thing for the new year, I’ll have to retire. There are no, nor have there ever been, dresses designed to fit my body type, which is nondescript. At least that’s what I tend to murmur at the full length mirror in my bedroom every time I try one on. I say, “geez, if I had to tell someone how bad this looks, I would have to say it simply defies description.” And then I wear slacks. Another great post!

  9. I can’t remember how I found your blog, but I’m sure glad I did. This one had me laughing so hard I could hardly type this. I, too, live in pants and comfortable tops. I’d wear jeans every day if my office allowed it.

  10. OMG I’m dying over this post! We had no plans for NYE until last night and I promise I woke up in the middle of the night when I should have been getting my beauty rest (because Lord knows I need it) worried about guess what? WHAT the heck I’m going to wear to this nice party. Now it’s less than 24 hours away and I’m in total denial and have not even searched my closet. I can come up with something to wear, but what about shoes? I have NOTHING dressy, dressy any more. (that I can get into.) Boo Hiss. I think we should not go. I really do. I think we should make plans with friends who wear jeans and sweatshirts and play UNO at their parties…. Well, any way around it, I hope you have a Happy New Ear.
    L.

  11. pharphelonus

    Nancy, you are lovely. If you smile like you write, no one would notice.

  12. I love dresses – they can be so flattering if you find the right style. But I shy away from wearing them to work. Somehow I’m afraid I might be overdressed. So I save them for restaurants and shopping trips. Sllly really!

  13. So funny – so true!! I’m sure you’ll look hot and slim in your black corduroys!

  14. Diane

    I wore a dress, last time was when my youngest daughter was married, about 5 years ago. I wore another when my middle daughter was married, about 7 years ago. I still have an unmarried son, so I will need another dress someday.

  15. RVingGirl

    LOL Hilariously put.
    I bet you looked terrific in that dress but I also bet you were more comfy in pants!
    I have two types of outfits…..very casual and very dressy. For example I still have the gorgeous blue dress I wore to my daughter’s wedding two year ago. It still fits and it IS nice. In fact, I brought it on my last cruise we took but I just wasn’t feeling it, so I wore black pants and sparky tops most of the evenings.

  16. When I hit age 50, I realized I looked best in a two piece dress — either with a little jacket or a separate top that goes over the camisole attached to the skirt. You are courageous to try something so umm…..clingy! (I do love the dress and looked at for myself before I realized that I had no place to wear it.) I can’t figure out how the real sized girl looked so good. Perhaps you are too hard on yourself? Or the wonders of Photoshop? You are lucky your office is so casual. My work wardrobe consisted of lots and lots of black pants.

  17. Talk to me...I'm your Mother

    Are we kidding ourselves that a few extra pounds don’t show in pants? Feels that way to me. Thanks for all of the laughs in the last year. Looking forward to more. Happy New Year.

  18. Loved the plus-size model joke. In our society, you have two choices. You can weigh less than 95 pounds or you can be morbidly obese.

  19. Flossie

    I wear dresses quite often. In fact, I haven’t worn jeans for a few years because they hurt my tummy, whereas dresses don’t! I have learned to find styles that disguise the lumpy bits quite well and I am a big fan of long cardigans that drape loosely over the folds and make it look as if I don’t have them! Right now I look as if I swallowed a football so even my dresses won’t help there. A diet of air and inhaled food aromas is my only hope!!!!

  20. Kay

    This year I want to lose weight, lift weights, and say the word “schmo” more often.

  21. I’ve lost about 10 pounds in the last 6 months, which is wonderful, really. But all my jeans are too baggy and the next size down doesn’t fit right. Why?? So I’m on another jeans-that-fit-quest. And where do you find corduroy jeans?

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